It's Not, But It Can Be
by Annika the Merciful
Summary: Best friends separated by circumstance re-united under the most unlikely conditions. She's now an art major and he's now a bull rider trying to make ends meet after a year off due to a terrible injury. What happens when his little sister becomes her "little sister"? Will old wounds be able to heal or will time have made them deeper? The Longest Ride/The Notebook AU.
1. New Year, Old Faces

Hey all, this idea came out of watching "The Longest Ride" and combining some themes from "The Notebook" because I thought they meshed really well. A little different but I like the idea, hope you enjoy it!

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The ceremony would be starting soon at the Alpah Xie Delta house and Clarke couldn't be any happier to be getting a little. Yeah, she wasn't looking forward to the distractions of pledging interrupting her school work but since she had joined during her freshman year she had learned quickly how to manage both. She had been busy working ahead, she was in the first semester of her Senior year and even with a 4.0 GPA she couldn't afford to slack off in the slightest. Raven came barreling into her room completely ignoring the "Do Not Disturb" sign that had made its residence there several years ago.

"Come on Griffin! Let's go take a look at the fresh meat!" Raven rubbed her hands together enthusiastically as she dragged the most recent addition to Clarke's thesis collection out from under her nose. Clarke had always loved charcoal; it was her favorite medium and the only thing to keep her sane while she was in the Ark Institution. They wouldn't let her use pencils or anything sharp and since coal came is lumps, was soft, and easily fell apart they had no problem letting her cover her walls with pictures and portraits and dreams. She had hated it there and learned to cope with her art. Raven had been one of the first people to help her assimilate back into regular life. It had been a hard tradition but Raven had been through the ringer too and they worked hard to help each other.

"Raven!" Clarke stood, hands on her hips. "I know the ceremony will start soon but I still have a few minutes and I can get some more reading done!" Raven dangled the book just out of reach while laughing as Clarke stared at her best friend before tackling her to get the book back. This was pretty common for them and so when the other girls in the house heard the resounding THUD of Raven and Clarke falling on top of each other it was no surprise to anyone and they simply went about their business as if nothing had happened at all.

"Come on, Clarke, now it's time." Raven's plan had worked and though Clarke was upset that she hadn't gotten the last few minutes of studying in she couldn't help the playful smile that tugged at her lips while she stood. Hesitating a moment Clarke shoved Raven back on her bed while yelling "Race you! Last one has to do five shots of fireball!" before running out of the room in her stocking feet with Raven right behind her. Even with the head start Raven caught up pretty quickly, even still Clarke won in the end. She always seemed to. Raven groaned, Fireball was her least favorite shot, still a deal was a deal. "You can pay your penance later, for now, fresh meat."

The sorority president carried on a small speech to the current girls before introducing and assigning each their own little sister. Clarke was eagerly awaiting to find out who her little sis was but Raven had made a comment about one of the girls and Clarke hadn't caught her name but the room had gone silent and when Clarke looked up it was only into an all too familiar face that had haunted her dreams.

"Octavia Blake," there was a pause as the president found her on the roster; "Your big sis is Clarke Griffin." Because Clarke hadn't caught the name and the other girls had sensed a drop in the temperature of the room, or so it would seem. So when Clarke looked up she couldn't believe her eyes.

"Octavia." The name was whispered, Clarke didn't feel well and from the look in the other girl's eyes she didn't like the arrangement either.

"Clarke, do you two know each other?" The president inquired taking a step back as if sensing the implosion about to occur.

"Yeah Fox, she's a childhood friend from a long time ago." As the words left her mouth Clarke stepped forward as they sized each other up. The best way to deal with this would be Blake style. It had been hard when Clarke had lost Octavia and Bellamy. It seemed all hell had broken loose when she had been taken away. Two months before they Blake siblings had lost their mother and the Clarke had lost her dad, watched him die in front of her eyes before the world went black and she woke up in white. At first she had been angry, she had swore and cursed and banged at the walls until her hands were bruised and she had broken a bone. But they had taken her to the medical ward and she wasn't kept away. After that it took a little while and once they had given her the charcoal she seemed to be restored to her old self is some ways. But in others she never would be. Clarke remembered when they were children and they would wrestle and rough-house. It was how they settled disputes and now as things seemed to have lingered it was time to settle this the way they did when they were children.

"We're gonna start you're pledging a little early. Follow me." Clarke had turned her back towards the girl heading out to the back yard. Octavia followed her hesitantly, she hadn't seen Clarke in years, if Octavia had counted right it would have been about eight years since the last time they had spent time together and then Clarke had vanished without a word, saying nothing. No one knew where she was. She had abandoned them just like everyone else. Octavia had lost her mother, Clarke had lost her father, and Clarke had vanished all in two months, it wasn't a good a time for anyone.

"Clarke, this isn't part of our tradition." Fox's voice was careful. She was a smart girl, resourceful and compassionate but strong and a good leader for the others. Clarke knew she was correct though. Unlike most of the other sororities on campus the point of pledging was not to kill you but instead instill survival skills the would last through life with friends. Fighting, like this, was not condoned but Fox seemed to know that this was needed.

"I know, but allow me this. I never ask for much and let's just say that if you want us to be big sis/lil' sis without killing each other what's about to happen is completely necessary." Clarke stripped her shirt off in the summer heat and noticed that Octavia was already untying her shoes and removing her blouse. Both girls wore athletic sports bras and as they took their stances all the other girls took several steps back. They had never seen this side of Clarke and watching how easily she slipped into a fighting stance put some of the girls off. Octavia smirked, when they were teens they would always horse-play and wrestle, trying to beat the other at hand-to-hand combat. Octavia always won, Clarke blamed that on a combination of Bellamy's need to protect his little sister and Octavia's heavy crush on the kick boxing trainer and the town's YMCA.

"You left." It was a statement not a question, and one that was followed with a well placed right hook that Clarke just barely missed. Thank goodness she was fast.

"I had no choice. I wrote you both letters all the time and you never responded." Clarke volleyed. She had known after six months of no responses that it was more than just the Blake siblings not responding, that's when she had gotten crafty and started to find ways to explore the hell her mother had placed her in for her protection. All they letters were kept in each of their folders never having been sent. It was a way for the doctors to study their mental state. _Psychotic bastards._ Clarke thought before moving forward and engaging Octavia more fully. There was a flurry of fists and both girls landed hits, there would be plenty of bruises tomorrow.

"You always had a choice Clarke!" Octavia retorted anger twisting her features. "We had no one to turn to after mother died and you vanished. Your mother went on living. She wouldn't let us in and would never speak to us! She threw us away, Clarke!" Octavia's flurry was becoming more rapid, too rapid for Clarke to block and evade so she tucked her head put up her arms and waited for her companion to stop or at the very least slow down. Once Octavia stepped back Clarke moved, she hadn't practiced in awhile and her movements were a little slow but she was funneling her anger and her forming response

"Whatever the hell my mother decided to do to you guys is on her. I was in another state in a white room trying not to go crazy after my father died!" Clarke had managed to keep the words low enough that only Octavia heard. That had stopped her and as she stood in front of Clarke her posture relaxed in a confused sort of way.

"What are you talking about?" She had dropped her first entirely.

"I watched my father die in front of my eyes, screaming and crying and the next thing I know I hear my mother whispering it'll be alright and then I wake up in a white room with no handle and a small window and nothing." Clarke took several deep breaths. "Look, I never wanted to leave you guys. I was on my way over to play games that night with you two and suddenly there's a car pulling up and my dad is dead and I'm being carried away. I had no interaction with people for over a year. I didn't go to school, I was locked away so that I could be kept safe." Clarke spat the last worst, the taste of them in her mouth to bitter to hold back.

There was a heavy pause and then both girls eased towards each other. It wasn't the most comfortable of hugs but they both were happy to have the other back in their life again. It would be a heard road back, they both had been through so much, but maybe just maybe Clarke could take something back that her mother had stolen from her. Once they had settled and the ceremony had finished, with much less drama and after they are done Clarke and Octavia slip away so they can talk some more. Once alone they head out of town to one of Clarke's favorite diners to spend the rest of the afternoon catching up and explaining the last eight years.

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Thanks for reading~


	2. Seeing You Again

Thank you all so much for the reviews, favourites, and follows! I am so happy you all are enjoying the story so much! I'd love more feed back, little comments are the best!

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The semester had swung into motion after that. Soon September was already nearing its end and the girls had finished pledging. Most of them had made it, AZD wasn't as popular as some of the other houses that were known for their wild parties and crazy rituals but AZD had a good time all on its own. Only five out of thirty hadn't made it in. During the process Clarke had spent most of her free time with Octavia but Raven hadn't been forgotten. When Clarke and Raven had first met and broken down each other's walls they hadn't left a shred of information out. Raven was well aware of who Octavia was, and even though Clarke had been closer to Bellamy she knew that she could never replace the special relationship that Clarke and Octavia had. And she was fine with that, she didn't want to. At first it was a little hard but Clarke had come to her and they had talked everything out that night. It helped that Raven and Octavia got along well, they weren't especially close but they were friends nonetheless.

Clarke was studying again, she always was. She was reading more material on the Black Mountain College movement. This time so absorbed she barely registered the commotion downstairs. Octavia had just walked into the house with Raven by her side wearing matching smirks. One of the things that made them get along so well was the penchants for making Clarke have fun and squirm. It was always a good laugh and in the end Clarke was happy. That's what had brought them together on this night to plan an outing to go and watch her brother's first bull riding tournament since his injury. Most of the girls in the house were locals and knew all too well how good looking the bull riders were. Within minutes they had a group of ten ready to go. As they all waited on Octavia and Raven to pick out the perfect outfit. Smiling down at their combined efforts Raven went up to deliver the news to her friend.

"Ooohhh Clarke," Raven chimed innocently as she opened the door without knocking. "I have a surprise for you." Her sing-songy voice broke through her friend's concentration. Clarke took one glance up at her friend and the boots that she was holding before shaking her head.

"No way am I wearing those." Her voice firm.

"You need to get out, you've been working on your thesis for a week straight. Don't you deserve a break that might just happen to include some major eye candy?" Raven teased swinging the boots back and forth in her hand.

"No, I need to make more progress, I'm getting behind." Clarke tried to go back but Raven sat down next to her, closing her laptop screen most of the way before holding eye contact.

"Clarke, you have a 4.0 gpa, you're an amazing student, and I know for a fact that you're way ahead of where you should be on your paper. I also know you're caught up on most of your other assignments. You never do anything for yourself. So put these on,"

"And this." Octavia stood next to the door holding the frayed jean shorts and billowy plaid top that would complete the look. Raven mouthed a thank you from her position on the bed.

"And be ready to go in ten minutes." Raven stood up, stopping at the door before closing it and heading downstairs to with Octavia. "You think he'll notice her?" Raven inquired at the top of the stairs.

"Of course he will. Whether they kill each other or kiss each other is less certain." Raven's laughter could be heard all throughout the house.

Clarke debated in her mind for several minutes about what to do. It was only the fact that she was too well acquainted with Raven's stubbornness to know that the girl wouldn't relent on this point. Clarke realised she hadn't been out in a while, though she was overly eager getting out for a few hours would help her later on. Or so she rationalised.

Walking down the stairs Clarke felt unstable in her shoes. They were new, and though they conformed to her foot pretty well she wasn't used to the shape and feel of them. Once at the bottom of the stairs the other girls hooted and hollered, excited that Clarke was coming with them for once. Together they left the house and split into several cars, driving out of town to where the tournament was being held. Clarke had to admit that the atmosphere was intoxicating and once inside a smile broke out over her face that she couldn't hide.

Since Octavia knew most of the security guys, she had managed to get a row of seats saved right up front next to the fence and close to the action. With Raven on one side of her and Octavia on the other she didn't think it could get any better. They had arrived after the start and so they had already missed the first two contestants who had failed to make the full eight second marker that was required to be placed in the next round for a spot closer to the championship, but Octavia had made sure not to miss Bellamy. Clarke was nervously hoping that she might see him. It had been eight years but she had greatly missed her friend since then. She wasn't sure she would recognise him.

Almost as soon as the thought entered her mind Bellamy was announced and the crowd went wild. Cheers erupted all over the stands, as fans clapped, whooped, and stomped their feet in anticipation of what was to come. Clarke zoned out as the announcer mentioned that it was his first time back on a bull since his injury a year prior, instead she was overwhelmed with too many emotions for seeing her friend for the first time in so long. The cacophony of the crowd disappeared and Clarke watched as he took his position over the bull, waiting until the right moment before he was fully dropped down into position. She watched as the lines of shoulders became taut; as he brushed his hair out of his eyes one last time before placing the black stetson back on his head. She wasn't even aware when she curled her fingers over the end of the bleacher to pull herself forward to watch his every movement. Clarke held her breath as soon as Bellamy shouted his confirmation and the gate was opened with a loud buzzer.

For Bellamy the experience wasn't so surreal. The images of what had happened the last time he had done this were flooding back and overlaying with the present. He stiffened his shoulders and shook his head in hopes of ridding his mind of the horrifying images so that he could focus. He was nervous. He hadn't been on a bull in almost a year. The tension radiated out of him making the bull more on edge. Bellamy took a deep breath, closed his eyes and when he opened them he was ready to go.

The next eight seconds where the most thrilling and the most nerve wrecking. But he had done it, he had made the eight second mark! The crowd was going insane and as he dusted off his pants he took a minute to bow and wave to the crowd. He had turned his back on the bull for a single moment to face the other side of the stands when the cheers turned to exclamations of warning. Glancing behind Bellamy quickly ran, jumping on top of the tall fences that guarded the viewers from any injuries. Perched atop he held on as the bull rammed against the metal bars before the handlers stepped in and moved him back to his pen where he belonged. When the bull had rammed the bars his hat had fallen off, not even noticing that it had fallen his eyes landed on the blonde girl in front of them. Bellamy was breathless, the girl reminded him of Clarke, but it had been so long he wasn't sure if his mind was tricking him or not. Pulling himself out of the daze, Clarke rushed forward to grab his hat and hand it back to him.

"Hey cowboy!" Clarke smiled, hoping to get a minute alone with Bellamy. He turned but the look he was giving her confused her. "You forgot something." Clarke reached through the bars to hand him his hat back but he only smiled, shaking his head.

"Keep it!" He yelled as he quickly exited the ring so the next rider could enter. As he walked away the smile faded, had that been Clarke? Could it have been? After so many years to see her again, and now, it was unsettling and if he was going to ponder this anymore he was going to need fresh air and less noise.

Octavia usually caught up with him after when the bull riding was done and all the patrons were getting drunk in one of the huge barns set up not far from the stadium and arena. It always gave her some time to chat up one of the bartenders before checking over her brother. Bull riding was a fantastic sport to watch _if_ you weren't aware of the injuries the riders can sustain or what an angry bull can do to someone if not kept properly leashed. Octavia had always worried, she had seen what had happened to the other riders and it killed her knowing that any moment that could be Bellamy. And then that moment happened. He had been injured so badly and before they knew the doctors were saying he was lucky to be alive after that stunt and that by all rights his career should be over. But he hadn't listened to them, not really. He had done his rehab and physical therapy and once the bills started coming he started training again and here he was, a year later back on a bull and thankfully in one piece. Octavia was glad he was okay but for those eight seconds the world seemed to still and each second was like a day as Octavia held her breath in the hopes of him making it through.

The bar was getting too loud for Clarke as both Octavia and Raven had ditched her to chat up a couple of guys. Clarke watched the way the one bartender, Lincoln, if she had caught his name correctly was eyeing Octavia and the way she had eyed him back. There was something there, whether they knew it or not, there was something there. Clarke only hoped that would follow it. Raven on the other hand had gone to prove her supreme prowess at darts when a guy started saying he was "the king." Clarke had to laugh, whoever the guy was he would get creamed Raven had deadly accuracy when she was sober and mostly right on when she was drunk.

Weaving her way in and out and around the other patrons that had filled the bar Clarke looked for the exit. Thankfully she had found it rather quickly and once outside took a deep gulp of the crisp night air to cleanse her senses from all she had smelled, inhaled, and touched during her foray into an overly crowded bar that was just starting to get rowdy. Making her way to one of the hitching posts that stood a small distance away she noticed Bellamy standing just a little further down. No one was around and she had her chance, but could she take it? She had deserted them, not by choice, she never would have by choice but she hadn't had time to explain properly like she wanted. She hadn't been allowed and now that she had the time and opportunity her heart was racing and she wasn't sure she could.

"Hey there stranger." She called to Bellamy as she made her way over to him slowly letting the large brim of the hat hide part of her face.

"Hey." He smiled widely as he greeted her, still thinking she was just an apparition of Clarke.

"Here, you can have your hat back." She removed the hat trying to keep the conversation from getting awkward.

"No, you keep it, it looks better on you." He moved into her personal space then. Gently placing it on her head in the correct way before taking the opportunity to glance over her features. He had to resist running his fingers down the length of her jaw or feeling her hair. It looked so soft and the longer Bellamy was caught in staring at her it was harder to take his eyes away. The first thing he had noticed about her in the stands where her striking eyes. He didn't think he had seen anything like that aside from Clarke. Clarke had always had the most piercing eyes and now as he stared down at her he couldn't help but think, just maybe, that it was her. He was going to ask her, he planned it but his brain and mouth couldn't connect to make the words come out.

As for Clarke she could barely breathe. The past eight years had been hard without her best friend. She had missed him so much, she had missed talking with him and teasing him. Playing games, and jokes, and life. She had missed watching him graduate high school and come into his own but more than that she had missed whatever might have happened between them. _For her sixteenth birthday her mother had thrown a huge extravagant party that was much more than what Clarke wanted. As the night passed and the guests disappeared Bellamy had found Clarke hiding in the tree out in the backyard. It wasn't the easiest to climb but years of doing so had made it an easy task for both of them. He had moved throughout the limbs easily until he was level with her. He had moved to sit on a branch next to her, waiting for whenever she was ready._

" _Thank you, for being with me all day." her soft words filled the air as her eyes shone with gratitude._

" _It was nothing, Clarke." His words were equally simple, knowing how much of an issue this party had been for her. He had stood by her side when she and her mom had gotten into a screaming match over the entire thing. Clarke wanted a simple party with a small intimate group. But Abby had insisted on making it the birthday of the year. Clarke had hated having to stand and greet every guest, dance with every available young man, and in general put on a pretense of being happy. Bellamy had scarcely left her side, dancing with her when she didn't want to dance with anyone else, helped her stand when she was too tired to stand up without help, to steal her away for a few moments of peace before returning to chaos of the party._

" _No, Bellamy, it was something. I would have ditched the party hours ago if you hadn't stayed with me." Clarke responded with more vehemence trying to get him to understand what a help he had been._

" _If you had told me that, I would have run with you." Bellamy smiled warmly at his friend before letting out a light laugh. He laugh had died out slowly before he moved. "Come on, let's go to my house and finish with some Mario Kart." Bellamy stood on the next branch down but was tall enough to still meet Clarke's eyes and was able to watch as a competitive smile took over her features. Before she could say anything though her smile disappeared as she zeroed in on his features in the moonlight. Bellamy had always been good looking, Clarke had first noticed it from an artistic perspective but as time when she couldn't resist that Bellamy Blake was an attractive person. Now, as the fragments of moonlight played over his features Clarke couldn't help but want to kiss him._

 _Slowly Bellamy pulled Clarke down and kissed her. It was a little awkward, because even though they were level Clarke was still facing a different way and kissing in trees is not the most comfortable thing. Once they had pulled back they had shared smiles before descending the tree together._

Now with Bellamy standing so close she couldn't help but feel the same anticipation she had felt years ago. Her heart sped up as she went to move her hand towards him as if to touch him but at the last minute Raven came bursting out the door drunk and stumbling.

"Princess!" Raven screamed over the crowd. Clarke sighed, it was Raven's pet name for her when she was drunk. It had all started her freshman year but Raven only ever used it when she was drunk or rather more specifically when she had had tequila.

"Oh God," Clarke watched as Raven stumbled her way over to where she and Bellamy were standing, interrupting their moment. Clarke stepped back, moving to grab her friend.

"Rea, you okay?" Clarke prompted quickly noticing just how drunk her friend was.

"Princess! There you are! We've been looking for you!" Raven continued to shout completely missing Bellamy's presence until that moment. "Wow, you're pretty." Clarke snorted before readjusting their position so she could take most of her weight making sure the girl didn't collapse.

"Sorry, it looks like I have to go." Clarke apologised quickly.

"I understand. Maybe I can get your number and call you sometime?" Clarke tried not to smile too widely.

"Okay, phone?" Clarke used her one free hand to quickly put her information into the phone before handing it back to him. Clarke had just started to walk away when he was scrolling through his contacts looking for a name he didn't recognise when he stumbled on one he knew all too well. About thirty feet away Clarke stopped and turned.

"It was good to see you again Bell." with a full blown smirk Clarke turned around and made her way back to Raven's car.

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Thank you again for reading! Review?


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